Snowed In

As I sit here, having just finished writing a review of If Beale Street Could Talk and eating lunch (Spaghettios, for I am still an unfortunately picky and childish eater), mesmerized by the several inches of snow covering the land outside that appeared overnight and thankful it’s a Saturday morning – though feeling sorry for my mailman friend who has to traverse it – I feel a strange form of inner calm, the kind that I was lacking through most of last year.

There’s that voice saying ‘everything is going to be alright.’ And I think it’s telling the truth this time.

I believe I started this project as a coping mechanism – after losing so much sense of focus in 2018, I needed something I could call my own. Something safe and reliable, something I could hold myself accountable to work on. Who knows if I’ll succeed – five articles a week is a bit of time, especially now that I have also decided to put so much focus on writing about movies. But perhaps this more personal project is the foundation for something bigger, a foundation I will leap from when I find the strength to invest my time into something more meaningful.

But right now, this project makes me feel alive. Like I’m seeing value in myself again. I still have pangs of depression, feelings of longing – but they all feel more manageable.

Who knows if I’ll feel this way by the time this piece goes up, only two days from now. But if I’m not, maybe being reminded of this feeling will ground me again. I want to remember what it’s like to feel as if everything’s alright in the world.

Sometimes you get snowed in, but all you have to do is wait until the sun comes out and the warmth will return.