One More Turn

Sometimes I get home and plan to spend the whole evening writing, and then it’s bed time and nothing happened.

It’s not like I’m having a depressive episode (though realizing my time slipped out of my hands tends to end in me feeling gloomy). I’ll simply turn on a video game while contemplating what to have for dinner, and then I don’t eat for another two hours as I get distracted.

It’s not all games – there are a few key ones I go back to that I really wish I could erase any attraction toward. Overwatch, The Binding of Isaac, Slay the Spire – they’re designed to take up small chunks of your time, with no real end goal. They encourage this endless cycle and my addictive personality can’t turn away.

I’m so hopeless at unplugging. I really need to buy a laptop that can run word processors, a browser, and nothing else. I hate that the device I need to work is the same device where all these games are loaded up. How do normal people handle that temptation?

You know, the worst issues are the ones you know are a problem, yet you never find yourself taking the steps to change. It’s an excuse for self-hatred. Why can’t I simply set a time to be finished and stick to it?

Why am I at my most frustrated after an entire evening doing something I supposedly love?