Coming Out

Nothing terrified me more than the idea of coming out to you, but my hand was forced.

My final semester of high school was one of the toughest periods of my life. I had come out to most of my close friends and trusted family, saving you and Mom for last. It went over well with practically everyone but her, and then she took it as poorly as she could. I was so distracted by these events that I let my production slide, and I soon learned I had been unceremoniously removed from That Guy with the Glasses without being informed. I tried to explain why I needed time, but they refused to give me a second chance. I broke down completely, said things I shouldn’t have in public places. I still wasn’t out in the open, so a lot of people assumed I was freaking out over the site and nothing more – but a few added up the pieces.

One of my cousins on your side saw my posts and contacted you in a panic. She also messaged me, telling me about a friend of hers who had a brother that committed suicide. The friend didn’t realize their brother was gay until after the fact, after reading some of his personal writing. His parents had rejected him, and, well – she didn’t want to see the same thing happen to me.

She didn’t out me, of course – she simply mentioned I seemed troubled. You wanted to meet, and I couldn’t really say no. You had no meaningful power over me, but I guess I saw you as a potential physical danger – but at that point, what was I afraid of losing?

I could have written it off, covered up the subject. Put all of the blame on Channel Awesome, not mention why things slipped there. But no reasonable person would believe that a comedy website would single-handedly lead me to such despair.

So I told you everything. And, well – you listened to me. You understood me, tried to find (sometimes awkward, considering your prison days) ways to relate. You mentioned it went against your beliefs, but it’s not like you never sinned.

If there was anything I needed on that specific day, it was for someone to tell me that everything was going to be okay. After all the hell I went through due to you, I would have never imagined you would be the one to help me through one of my most desperate moments.

For the first time in my life, you were there.

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