Friendship Removal Machine

Despite our falling out, I figured we’d at least have each other to watch through social media. We had grown apart, but there had to be something in at least being able to see where the other had ended up.

But I didn’t like what I saw. You appeared to join a fraternity in college, became the type of straight bro I’ve always dreaded. I tolerated it for a bit, but then it became clear you were falling into the right – perhaps even the far right.

That was a bit hard to take in – that someone who was once the closest friend I had likely resented the community I had found myself in. Really, you likely hated your voice growing up because of that resentment – or maybe the teasing drove you to that point.

I realized I was filling in the blanks in the worst way possible, but then I realized it didn’t matter. You weren’t the same person anymore. We both grew up apart from one another and found different lives, different circles.

I removed you from Facebook unceremoniously. I doubt you even noticed. Would you care at all if you did?

Yet there’s obviously that part of me that still thinks of you – but what’s it matter anymore? Am I just longing for the idea that you would have turned out differently? Or was this all too predictable considering your upper-class white childhood?

All these thoughts, they’re so pointless. If we were to meet again today as we are now, I’d feel nothing but discomfort.

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